A beautiful day here at KBR – blue skies, calm winds, calm sea, calm atmosphere – well, on the surface at least. Underneath? Different story altogether my friends….. I did two dives this morning, Makawide 2 and Tandu Rusa. On Makawide we found a mimic octopus – and on Tandu Rusa…. yeah, you guessed, YET another Blue-Ring Octopus. Man, those things are everywhere.

Me seeing Blue-Rings has meant the Dive Team have nothing to tease me about. Well, that was true up until yesterday….. do you remember that childhood song (well, it’s one kids sing in the UK anyway. OK, yes, right, they did in the 1950s. OK), “Oh dear What Can the Matter Be? Two Ladies locked in the lavatory” Well, alright, in the 1950s it was funny. Anyway, guess who went to the Dive Centre bathroom yesterday and the lock jammed on the bathroom door? It required a screw driver and some brute Mancunian muscle to get out. On re-appearing there was much hilarity, jeering and laughter from my erstwhile Dive Team colleagues. But hey, 35 years on the  front line of diplomacy does nothing if give you huge measures of sang froid and ability to make light of the most awkward of situations……. But how long before I live this one down?

Anyway, whilst I was repairing bathroom locks, the Dive Team have been busy with paint brushes and filler making sure the KBR boat fleet gleams for the coming Xmas season. No, we have not fitted them with fairy lights or antlers (tempting though, eh?). But they now look in great shape. Two down – one more boat to go.

And, in addition, courtesy of a bag of cement, some tiles and a few bricks, we have just replaced the slightly down-at-heel rinse tank that you might remember was used for wetsuit washing. The new one is a bespoke magnificence of gleaming white tiles, splashing water – all cleverly designed to be the perfect height. Honest, it would look great in a Scandanavia bathroom….. But don’t take my word for it. Check out the picture of our new Japanese instructor, Yuko, with Boat Captain Julius, giving the tank a wipe….. Yuko will be teaching the PADI Rinse Tank specialty for anyone wanting that really special specialty qualification. Orderly queue now, boys.  (for US guests this means please make a line nicely…)

Yuko and Julius measure the new rinse tanks

If, like me, you have no life and read this blog regularly, you will have spotted that I often quote Dr Samuel Johnson’s famous phrase, “If a Man is tired of London, he is tired of life”. Not because I think Dr Johnson was right. In fact quite the opposite: Dr Johnson was bonkers – 10 minutes in London and I have lost the will to live. But 10 minutes in KBR? (or Paris, Istanbul, Sydney, Rome, Manchester)  Life: bring it on – I want more of that!

So, let’s now fast forward a bit more…… you may have read that I have been teased by my Beloved Colleagues over the fact that I never saw a blue-ring octopus. Believe me, the laughter has rung in my ears a number of times when the boats come back to the jetty with yells of “Tell Tim: another blue-ring”. And, as they say in the Bible, verily There came from the Dive Manager’s Office a wailing and gnashing of teeth.

So, “duck” (Note: cricket term for zero) broken the other day, I saw not one but two Blue Rings on the Critter Hunt dive site. Yay! But, get this, the following dive I came across another one! Not only did I “come across” him (her? how do you sex a blue-ring? Would you want to?) after a couple of photos Brer Blue Ring started jetting towards me. Quickly. Dear Reader, remember that these rascals carry enough neuro-toxin to kill half of Bangladesh at a blink. So, did I hang around and watch our friend jet towards me? Well, what do you think? Nope. I did not survive 35 years as a diplomat without a finally honed survival instinct (some of those corridors of power are lethal). I bugged out quickly. And, yes, I kept looking over my shoulder just to make sure I was ahead of the pack.

Wow. So, Dr Johnson, “if a Man Is tired of London, he is tired of Life”. Let me quote another London saying back to you: “there’s never a bus when you want one. But when it does arrive, there will be two…..”

Blue-rings are like London buses : never around when you want one – but then two come at the same time…… and sometimes they might chase you.