I promised in this blog to tell you the truth about KBR: the truth, the whole truth and, err, nothing but the truth. But, dammit, I’m a former diplomat and old habits die hard (a diplomat: a good man sent overseas to lie for his country). As Colonel Nathan R. Jessep said in A Few Good Men when addressing the Court on Code Red, “You can’t handle the Truth!”

So… the truth is: its a glorious day here at KBR. A light breeze keeps the 29 degree temperature feeling pleasantly, well, cool. Yesterday one of our dive groups saw two mimic octopuses. Not one. Two. The water is a bracing 29 degrees. Yep, that’s the same as the air temperature. Viz is about 15m. From my Dive Centre office window (yep, the best office view in the world – and I’ve seen a good few office views in the world), I can see people sunbathing between dives, lounging on loungers; relaxing, taking it easy, snoozing – and doing some of the most fascinating diving the world has to offer. I tell you, in diplomatic speak, this is a vision from Hell. Really you don’t want to come and experience this. Really you don’t…..

I hope your day is as tough and demanding as ours is here. I promised you The Truth. Can you handle The Truth?

Just to make my point: check out the picture below which is NOT for the squeamish. Do those people realise those warm, fresh cookies can give you indigestion?

I took my son, Tom, (yes, he’s a diver. Yes, I taught him. Yes, great father/son bonding experience) to a Turner exhibition in London some years ago. He and I turned a corner of the gallery to find a canvas which was just a blue square. We both burst out laughing. A square, right? Blue, right? OK, whatever. Gotta say though, most of Turner’s other works were stunning: man, could that guy paint a seascape. And Constable – no, not the police type, the artist. Have you ever seen the clouds in his paintings up close? They are incredible. That guy painted with light – not paint. His canvases light up a room. Awesome. Do go and have a look if you get the chance. Its really worth it. The photos you see in publications really do not do him justice.

Anway, the guys at KBR can do many things: fix your reg; change your dive computer battery; play the guitar; whistle a happy tune. But fine art? I think not. Well, not yet anyway. Not that I’ve discovered so far after 5 weeks.

But check out this Zebra lionfish? Is that not a piece of art all in itself? Check out the colours, the textures, the shading and the light? I may not know much about art; but I know what I like. And this I like. It may not be Constable or Turner, but this is art. And its not a blue square.

KBR: Bringing out the Artist in you…..

Just in case you thought we were all a bunch of warm-water softies here at KBR, I thought I’d share something butch and scary with you.

Can anyone remember who blew the whistle on the Gunpowder Plotters? Those despaerados who planned in 1605 to blow up the British Houses of Parliament. Was there a whistleblower? Or were a bunch of coppers just having a guided tour of the cellars of Parliament when, all of a sudden, they came across a bunch of Likely Lads rolling barrels of gunpowder, holding a sizzling fuse – and wearing T-shirts that probably said “Parliament? The Hell With That”

And so to a dive on KBR’s reefs (bet you thought I’d never segue that one eh?): even when on the very rare ocasion you don’t catch something totally amazing, there will always be something that will strike you as so worth seeing that it is truly memorable. Take the pic below of a crinoid. Yes, a crinoid. WAKE UP BACK THERE! Yes, I know its not a mimic octopus or a pygmy sea horse. But check out the colours, the patterns and the lines. Is that not something special? A bit of marine biology that, having seen it, makes you feel better about life around you?

So if you are sitting back in the UK, grumbling about MPs allowances and the possible need for a modern, less terminal version of Guy Fawkes – have a look around and maybe there is something that catches your eye that makes you think, wow….. actually, this is all pretty good.

But then again, if its raining and Lewis Hamilton is starting from the back of the grid at Monaco, check out the flights to Manado and come and hang out here. We can show you the amazing. We can start with a crinoid.

I blink therefore I am

Like so many guests at KBR, I’ve done a lot of dives. Some are fantastic; some are good – and some are, well, just dives. I can think of a couple I did in January in the UK in a former quarry in Lancashire where the water was a “brisk” 2 degrees. René Descartes famously said, “I think therefore I am”. Well actually he wrote “Cogito Ergo Sum” (anyone know why he wrote in Latin?) – yes, there is a point to all this (Well get on with it then: Ed). Clearly René had never dived in Capenwray in January. I was, but I sure couldn’t think. I was so cold that my mind had gone to a happier place.

What on earth has this to do with KBR? Simply that yesterday I did one of those dives which I will never forget. Thankfully I didn’t need to Go To My Happy Place. I was there already. And more importantly, right in front of me so was a Harlequin Shrimp: the first I had ever seen. Folks, critters don’t come much prettier. Eagle-eyed KBR Dive Guide, Ben knew where this most ravishing of all shrimps lived: and bingo. To quote another Latin user: I came, I saw, and I was blown away.

So René, if you ever get around to pondering again the meaning of human existence, try field testing your theory in Capenwray in January. Failing that, come to KBR and have a look at a Harlequin Shrimp.  It’ll make you think about life all over again.

KBR: life takes on a whole new meaning.

The sun shone in Lembeh Straits today and was complimented by a perfect gentle breeze. It was one of those days where you want to go “pop” – and wonder if life could be any better. I did two dives: one on the House Reef; and one at Police Pier. Two very different dives. Pottering around as you do, watching the reef world go by, I found myself looking at soft corals as they waved gently forward and back in the current.  They reminded me of daisies – only paler. But somehow even more perfect.

Sometimes you don’t need to see hammerheads or whale sharks. Sometimes watching a coral is all you need to remember what life is all about – and taking time to smell the roses or the daisies. Even when they are underwater.

KBR: don’t forget what life is really all about.

There’s something very cool about trumpetfish. They have an air of arrogant indifference. They are sleek, fast. Very few residents want to mess with them. They have a canny way of getting alongside fellow reef dwellers and using them as cover for their own hunting. Clever eh? Hmmm, come to thnk of it, that actualy sounds like one or two of my former colleagues in diplomacy.

But best of all, they come in the coolest colours!  Check out this Bad Boy below. Me, I’m paying $35 for a pair of yellow Crocs; more for a yellow polo shirt – and this trumpetfish: he gets yellow for free. Wouldn’t you like to walk into a room like this guy and stand out against the crowd. Talk about making an entrance!

Looking for cool? Looking no further than KBR and our own house reef – and Walt the Wickedly Cool Trumpetfish. Go Walt!

At the risk of this sounding like something from Sex And The City, is parting really such sweet sorrow? Did Juliet have it right? Better to have loved and lost – than never to have loved at all? Or is that all Shakesperean whatnot and actually parting and sorrow is exactly that: sad.

I pose the question as we get so many fantastic guests at KBR. Without naming names, a group have just left us that contained not only some of the world’s top underwater photographers (not unusual here at Critter Central) but also a couple of the nicest, most gracious people I have ever met. I’ve had the mixed blessing of meeting lots of “famous’ people during my 35-year diplomatic career – not all of whom were what you could describe as nice or gracious.

So maybe Juliet was right, it was fantastic to meet them, parting was sad – but sweet that I actually got to meet and know them for a while. And hopefully see them back. So come and check out KBR. You never know who you will meet – and maybe join Juliet in finding parting is is indeed sweet sorrow.

And if that doesn’t work, spare a thought for Arthur (see below). Women complain that a guy can never understand childbirth. Arthur can. He’s a male pygmy seahorse (hippocampus bargibanti to the cognisenti) and has the pleasure of carrying the maturing babies – and then “expels” them. Don’t ask, lads, it’ll makes your eyes water.

Juliet! Bring on the sweet sorrow, girl…

Household chores getting you down? The idea of wafting a feather duster depresses you? Then come to KBR and check out our feather dusters. As the one below moved gently in our warm water currents it was difficult not to think about the iniquities of life: a feather duster to us is a thing of beauty; almost a piece of art. It bends with the breeze, it’s flexible, gentle and moves with the timeless rythm of the universe.

And your feather duster?
It makes you sneeze and stresses you out.
Come to KBR: you know it makes sense. Swap you feather duster for ours.

KBR: making sense
out of a crazy world.

Those who have visited KBR will doubtless have met Takako, our Japanese guest liaison officer. Other than learning to pronouce the name of the resort’s General Manager (”Renier”), Takako looks after the guests who want to learn to dive with Enriched Air. She’s also working with our eagle-eyed dive guides to get them up to PADI Divemaster standard. When not busy on these “simple” tasks, she acts as the resident KBR underwater model.

So here’s one of Takako being admired by a fan….